


Smile For Me Dear Jester

by Tsuki (lunarrainbows)



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-15
Updated: 2011-12-15
Packaged: 2017-10-27 09:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/294285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunarrainbows/pseuds/Tsuki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allen thought that he had almost forgotten how to smile. Brought to his senses by a strange premonition that his innocence gave him, he remembers what truly kept him smiling during the harsh times. Pulling pranks on Kanda always helps too!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smile For Me Dear Jester

All Allen could see around him was darkness. It was something that Allen had come to associate with the exhaustion that surrounded him ever since he was forcefully stripped away from his innocence. It was something that he wasn't comfortable with at all, but all the same it was something that he was starting to accept. It was such an overwhelming darkness that had encompassed his being, one that brought a whole new sense of helplessness to him. It was something that he wasn't used to feeling—not by a long shot. This was a new experience for the snowy haired exorcist, one that he didn't want to experience.

 _Light…we need to get back to the light!_

Who was talking to him? The voice that he could hear was so familiar, so welcoming and it was definitely one that he had missed. An unbidden feeling welled in his chest. Was it Mana? He hadn't heard his father's voice in so long, but he could tell after a few seconds that it wasn't his beloved father. No, it was something that was dearer to him than even Mana was. This voice--it was one that he knew, but he could never put a name to it until now.

 _My name--say it!_ The voice urged Allen, filled with a sense of desperation.

Just what did it really want with him? He had the feeling that he should know whom this voice belonged to, yet there wasn't a name coming to mind. _Just who—who are you?_ Allen was given an answer that made him feel that he was being caressed with warmth from the inside out. The only thing…the only reason that he got this sensation was when he experienced the comforting feeling of being surrounded by his innocence's spirit. It was…his innocence? The mere thought of being in contact enough to actually understand his innocence again shocked him to the core. _You're still here? I thought—I thought you disappeared when Tyki destroyed you._ His mind was whirling with the new rush of information that he was being fed little by little. If his innocence was the thing that saved him, then was that the reason that it was still with him?

 _Hai Allen, I will always be with you as long as your resolve remains._

"My resolve…what do you mean?" While the exorcist was a bit shocked to hear his voice, he pushed it aside to await the answer that he was hoping to hear. For being in the darkness for so long, it was comforting to be surrounded by the feeling of warmth, of belonging. This feeling was normally fleeting for him, and he wished to bask in it as long as he could. "Who are you?" he finally queried, finding that he didn't know what he was to call his innocence besides the crude, impersonalized name for it.

Gentle laughter filled his ears, sounding both happy and amused at his questions. It filled him with warmth, moving across him like one of the finest silks. _You finally remembered to ask for my name. We've been together for so long, yet you've never truly known my proper name. It is time for this to be rectified, my loyal jester._

What was meant by jester? He hadn't been a clown for years now. It was something that he sometimes forgot that he had been a part of sometimes, and the only real reminder of it were the little things that popped up during missions or during some encounters with Lavi, Komui, and sometimes even Lenalee. Unconsciously he clenched his fists briefly and stared at his feet before lifting his head to peer into the darkness that surrounded his figure. His eyes stared into the darkness, seeing nothing but darkness. He knew that he wasn't alone, that was for sure, but where could this voice be coming from in such a dark place? He felt that it was close to him, but was that even possible? Sighing, his eyes opened wide as he realized where the innocence actually was.

"You're with me…in my—heart?" he asked more to himself than anything. He remembered the brutal final moments that he spent in Tyki's presence before he fell into the clutches of a deep, pain filled unconsciousness. It was the only explanation that he could come to; he wasn't exactly someone like Lavi who could come up with a deduction quite easily.

For some strange reason, he felt something inside of him flutter at the thought of the smiling redhead. He knew that many of the things that Lavi had done were all a part of his mask, yet there were also things that his true self did. It was incredibly hard to tell Lavi's mask from his true self and he was proud to say that he was one of the ones that could actually read his emotions most of the time. It was also the other way around considering Lavi as well. As much as he wanted to hide his emotions sometimes, he had to school his features into his famous poker face to keep his feelings from being read by the bookman in training. Smiling briefly, he felt his limbs warm at the thought of his friend. He was one that he could talk to about almost anything, and that in itself made him one of his dearest, closest friends. Not that he had a ton of close friends—he had friends, but he tended to keep them at an arm's length to keep them from getting hurt, or something worse—to keep himself from getting hurt.

"I'll protect everyone as much as I can, yet even as I keep walking forwards, someone finds something in me to destroy. What can I do to stop this Mana?" he muttered softly to himself, not expecting an answer in return. He received none, as what he expected.

Reaching forwards, he came in contact with something that felt warm, soft, and silky. _What the—_ Taking hold of the fabric, he clutched it tightly to his body, hoping that the warmth that he felt flowing though the fabric would seep into his icy limbs. A few almost dead silent moments passed before he felt the rush of warmth that flooded his body. _I'm not alone here…there's still someone with me._ The sensation of being wrapped in warmth, more than what he currently was experiencing brought him out of his thoughts. Feeling something settle on his face over his eyes, he brought his only good hand, his right one to his face and ran his fingers over the thing that had settled over his face. The object was smooth and cool to the touch, it felt almost like metal to him.

 _We're together once more. I will always be here when you need me, dear jester._

"You keep calling me that. Why are you doing it?" Allen asked again, hoping that his innocence would answer him this time. It was weaving circles around the topic almost as if it was giving him hints to figure it out by himself. While he had to admit that he liked puzzles, this whole scenario was starting to grate on what was left of his nerves.

 _You still can't hear me yet, Allen? Can you hear the name of who's been with you since you were born? Can you hear the name of the Crowned Clown?_ The voice that he had associated with his innocence sounded morose and listless now, giving him the idea that it had lost all hope that he would identify it.

"Crown…Clown." Allen muttered slowly, finding that the name felt so right, so perfect to him. It was a name stuck a chord within him, he knew that he had known the name of his innocence, yet for a time it was lost to him. Now that he did know the name of his innocence, he knew that he would become closer to it than he ever had before.

 _I'm here. I'll always be here._ Crown Clown reassured its host, wrapping its cloak around him tighter before glowing brightly. _It is time for us to go. We are needed._ The light that started out gentle had now turned into something blinding, causing Allen to shield his eyes so that he would keep his vision when the light diminished. The sound of glass breaking assaulted his senses before he felt himself falling forwards. Whipping his arm from its spot around his eyes, he yelped in shock as he felt himself falling—wait a minute…he was **falling**?!

"When you said we were needed, I didn't thing you meant _this_!" the exorcist screamed out, feeling both the sudden rush of fear and adrenaline filling his veins. The strangest thing was that even though he had the visual and physiological sense of falling, he felt like something was off. With the ground closing in at an increasingly alarming rate; what could he do to save himself? His mind was blank, there were no ideas that were coming to mind which was incredibly inconvenient, and rather it was something that proved to him again that he normally was fate's plaything.

"Just what do you want from me?!" he shouted out, clenching his eyes shut as a sense of weightlessness took hold of him. Had he already crashed into the ground? Where was Crown Clown during all of this, and better yet—where exactly was here? Wait a minute! That was the real question here. The last thing that he remembered was that he was training alone in one of the many training rooms of the Black Order, so what was he doing here…and what was _here_ anyways?

His mind had almost shut down at the realization that he didn't feel any pain. But how was that even possible? He should've been a bloody mess on the ground, his limbs skewed at odd angles as he struggled to stay both awake and alive. Strangely he didn't feel the overwhelming pain that he was expecting; rather he felt a sense of peace and calm that he hadn't felt in a while.

Where was the pain that he should have been in? He wasn't a masochist, he was extremely far from that actually—it was just that nothing was adding up.

His mind was trying to wrap around the fact that he didn't feel pain and was unable to think of a reason why this was the case. In all retrospect he should be in excruciating pain at the moment, yet the only thing that was bothering him was the sadness within his heart.

 _I don't feel pain…I should feel the pain. I just crashed into the ground, didn't I?_ This brief thought had sent his mind whirling. What if he didn't crash into the ground, then what would this whole thing be? Better yet, where was he?

With the realization that he didn't know where he was finally hit him, his eyes snapped open, finding that the familiar grey, blue, and black ceiling of the training room met his eyes. Allen lied on the floor, staring at the ceiling in confusion for a while, letting his mind try to piece together what he just went though. What did he just go through anyways? None of this made sense at all to him. He already was acquainted with Crown Clown, he had his left hand back again—he raised his hand and flexed his fingers just to be sure, and he knew that despite what he wanted, he was now stripped of Cross' presence.

"Was it all just a dream?" he murmured lowly, lying against the cool floor as he tried to piece together what he had just went through. _If I actually went through it at all._ He couldn't help but to add in mentally. It was all too real, yet he found himself lying against the floor of one of the training rooms in the order. Did Crown Clown want to show him that? Or was it just a reminder for something?

Groaning softly, Allen sat up slowly. "I just don't know." He uttered tonelessly as he glanced up at the ceiling once more. It really was too dark in here—windows were greatly needed in this room. A few skylights that were hardly wide enough to let in sufficient enough light were hardly enough. The whole room would almost become brand new if there was enough light shining into it.

"What don't you know sprout?" Grey eyes blinked several times before they caught the gaze of an interested green eye. Watching briefly as the older teen sat down beside him, the younger exorcist shrugged.

"Nothing Lavi, just that I noticed how a few large windows would really brighten up the room." He murmured distractedly, brushing back what he really wanted to blurt out. It wouldn't help at all if he began to blurt out his insecurities and mixed feelings on several topics to anyone in a setting where it could be used against him. Leverrier had it in for him; he wouldn't shake the idea that he would eventually turn traitor. He didn't really pay much attention to the inspector's views on him, but he paid enough attention to know his views upon him, the Noahs, and his master.

Grey eyes clouded over briefly as the whole political debacle that was now surrounding them was brought up by his turbulent thoughts once more. _I won't be left alone on that subject until I can prove him wrong…that's just what I'll do. I'm not going to turn into a Noah; the Fourteenth can go to hell for all I care. I'm not going to turn on my nakama!_ A small smile etched itself across his lips at that final thought. No, he wouldn't turn on his friends. He would rather die before becoming such a monster.

Turning his head as he registered the sound of someone humming, he almost slipped and started laughing at the look upon his friend's face.

"What do you mean; I think it's alright enough in here. Why would we need windows?" the redhead asked as he glanced at him curiously. Allen knew that the bookman in training knew that something was up with him, he had that look on his face that he normally had when he was trying to figure out a puzzle. The telltale crease at the corner of his mouth as he nibbled at the inside of his cheek, the slightly far off look in his eye, and most importantly the slightly softened tenor of his voice had been all indicators of this in the past, and to his slight amusement they had shown themselves to him again.

Pointing upwards at the heavily shaded arches that led to the ceiling he paused for a moment. "Look at how dark it is in here, even at the places where there should be light shining in." he commented, staring up at the ceiling while he was doing so. Allen could feel Lavi's gaze upon himself, the bewildered and overall amazement that it held was easy to distinguish. What the younger exorcist didn't understand was the amazement.

"A little light would do some good. We don't want everyone to turn out grumpy, depressed, and have the temperament of Kanda, do we?" He asked, grey eyes shining in amusement at the thought. "It was why I thought of the whole idea in the first place. Sunlight is supposed to make people happy. I wonder if Kanda gets enough?" he joked, feeling his mood raise as Lavi laughed beside him.

"I don't know sprout, maybe Yu-chan just needs to stay outside for a few hours before he'll begin to feel better? It would be easier than trying to let him chop us into pieces during training." The redhead mused, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Uh Lavi, there's a problem with that thought. How would be get the extremely moody, acts like a girl and has hair like a girl samurai outside and keep him there?" he asked, smirking at the previous thought. He had nothing against a good prank, just as long as it wasn't on him.

He was feeling a lot better than he was previously. Ah, the wonder of making plans to prank Kanda. The whole process always seemed to lift his spirits and mood, which was something that he was eternally grateful for. The sword-wielding exorcist should be grateful for their attempts in getting him to loosen up. If they didn't, he'd be even stiffer and a hell of a lot grumpier than he was now.

Blinking in confusion as he felt a weight on his shoulders, Allen found himself gazing forwards into Lavi's lone eye. Strange, he didn't even notice that the older teen had moved. "Lavi?"

The grin upon the mischievous redhead was positively evil. "Oh don't worry about that, I have the whole thing planned out already. I'll tell you once we get to the library."

"The library—why do we need to go there?"

Lavi quickly stood, pulling Allen up with him. "C'mon sprout, I told you that I would tell you the details when we get there. The longer that we wait, the longer that Yu-chan will stay a grump!"

"But he's always pissy." Allen said flatly, raising a brow as he waited for a real response from the older teen.

Lavi snickered. That was true and all, but there was one difference here. He was going to enlist the help of one other that Yu-chan was hardly ever rude to unless he had a reason to. With the help of Lenalee and the threat of Komui if Lenalee was upset should prove enough reason for the sword wielding exorcist to agree to any of their plans. If not, there was always blackmail.

"Please tell me you're not thinking of doing what I think you are." Allen stated, finding the evil smirk upon Lavi's lips something that brought dread rising up from the pit of his stomach.

Pulling Allen along to the library, he didn't even pause in his steps as he glanced back at him briefly and winked. "What do you think I'm going to do sprout?" he replied, trying not to sound too amused.

"Blackmail Kanda."

This time Lavi did stop in his tracks in favor of grabbing him and hugging him tightly. "Great minds do think alike, you know that right sprout?"

Allen shuddered as thoughts of what Lavi had in mind for Kanda flashed through his head. "I'm not sure if I want a part of this anymore…" he shakily said, getting ready to disengage himself from the redhead's grip.

"Nonsense, you'll love this, I'm sure of it." Lavi insisted, pulling him into the library.

"That's what I'm afraid of." The white haired teen replied as he shut the door behind him.

**************

Even though he felt that this whole idea was going to turn out to be a bad one, he couldn't help but to be thankful that it was Lavi that had come and distracted him from his thoughts. If he had been left alone, there was no telling as to where they would've gone.

The friendship that he had with Lavi was something that he was grateful to have. If he wasn't within the Black Order, he didn't know where he would be now. Through it all, the bookman in training had the amazing ability to bring a true smile to his face, to actually cause him to be happy about something. It was one of the many qualities that he loved about his friend. Losing that would mean losing almost everything.

Just to spend more time with them all was what he wanted before his life was cut short by his parasitic innocence. For now, he'd treasure every minute he could with his friends.

They were the ones that gave the clown his true smile, plain and simple.


End file.
